YYH answering machines
by phantasiagirl
Summary: Ever wondered what the cast of YYH's answering machines would be like? well here you go! ON HIATUS UNTIL I GET MORE PROPER REQUESTS! CHECK MY FORUMS AND THE AUTHOR'S NOTE!
1. Let's Hear Them!

Yu Yu Hakusho answering machines 

By: Hieinokoishi

Warnings: Some slight language from people such as Yusuke, Chu, and even Kurama!(lol) And beware Yusuke and his perverted-ness lol. Characters may be OOC and this story may be revised a few times. Also, there might be a few innuendoes in later chapters depending on requests.

A/N: I got this idea off of a Fruits basket fic, and if the authoress doesn't want this to be posted then I'll get animefreak54 to take this off right away. Also, if I've missed any characters (I have no idea if people want the seven sensui, itsuki, sniper, ect. ) then please let me know and I'll put them in right away.

**Chapter 1: Let's hear them!**

(I'm gonna rewrite them later if I feel that a character is too ooc or if I get too many (constructive plz) complaint reviews about a character. And things in parenthesis and italic are my little add ins that I couldn't resist lol. I'll probably take them out later)

**Yusuke**: -beep- hey all you stupid people out there, this is Yusuke Urameshi! I can't talk right now because I probably don't feel like it and I'm too busy playin' hooky. Also, I wanted to say… SCREW YOU IWAMOTO! HAHAHAHA! –Yusuke! Don't make fun of your teacher, young man!– aw… c'mon mom! He's a bastard! –YUSUKE!- shit. –beep-

**Kuwabara**: -beep- Hey guys, its Kuwabara, who IS GONNA KICK URAMESHI'S ASS TODAY AFTER SCHOOL::calms down: Uh, yeah… I can't get to you right now so leave a message after the beep. If it is the love of my life, my beautiful, lovely, precious Yukina, I'll be over after I beat Urameshi. _(never…)_ See you, Yukina! –Kazuma, this is an answering machine. Besides she's not gonna call you. Now, GET OFF THE PHONE! DO YOUR HOMEWORK!- Erk! O-okay, sis! See y- -beep-

**Kurama: **_(in his eerily calm voice…)_** –**beep-Hello. You've reached the cell of Shuichi Minamino. I am very sorry that I cannot answer your call, but I will get back to you as soon as I- -SHUIIIICHI! COME OVER HERE SHUICHI!- :mumbling: Oh Shit. :normal voice: W-well::Starts running: I must go so please :screaming fangirls coming closer: leave a m-message after :THUD: -beep-

**Hiei**: _(Yay!)_ -beep- Hn. –C'mon shrimp! Leave a message!- Shut up, you fool! –Please Hiei-kun?- Hn. Fine. _(it was Yukina lol)_ This is Hiei. Don't bother leaving a message because I will never answer back. Never call me again. Hn, there. –Shorty can't even leave a decent message.- I said Shut up, Baka! The detective blackmailed me into this! –With what?- -hey Kuwabara, wanna know somethin?- -what Urameshi?- -Hiei is Yu- WHY YOU… DON'T YOU DARE- -beep-

(A/N: wow everybody seems to yell, huh?)

**Koenma**: -beep- Yo! This is the great and powerful Koenma, prince of the Spirit world who is always perfect! I can't answer your call right now because I am too busy running spirit world and doing much more important things. So, I will call you back when I remember and If I feel like it. –KOENMA!- Erk! Uh don't be angry, dad! It was only a slight screw up.. no! not spankings! Please! –SMACK- Waaaaaah! –beep-

**Botan**: -beep- Hiya! You've reached the chief pilot of the river Styx, Botan! Sorry I can't answer your call right now, but I'm glad you called and I'll answer as soon as I- OH! Look at the time! I gotta pick up another dead person! Well see ya! –beep-

**Yukina**: -beep- Um… Hello! This is Yukina. I'm very sorry that I can't answer you right now but I'm very happy that you took time to call me! I will answer you back as soon as I can. Thank you very much! …How was that, Kazuma? –Wonderful, my love! Your sweet words have warmed my soul and- -Shut up you fool.- -Oh, stuff it shrimp.- -be quiet you ignoramus.- Hiei-kun, Kazuma, please… -beep-

**Keiko**: -beep- Hello. You've reached the cell phone of Keiko Yukimura. I'm sorry I can't reach the phone right now, but please do leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. If thisis Yusuke, the answer is still NO. –aww, c'mon Keiko! You know I love you::touchy touchy: YUSUKE! YOU PERVERT::SMACK: -beep-

**Chu**: _(I had a lot of fun with this one lol) _ :Burp: Oh…this stuff's good, Urameshi::hic: Oh, is this thing on? Anyway, this is the brand new… uh…:hic: -it's a cell phone, Chu.- Oh yeah! This is the new :hic: cell phone of yours truly, Chu::burp: I can't talk righ' now cause I'm doin' somethin' :hic: else. –yeah, drinking.- Aw, shut yer yap, Rinku::Burp: Anyway… Leave yer message after the, er, beep :hic: thingy :burp: Ah…DAMN! This stuff IS good! –beep-

**For: Labyrinth** _(my best friend)_

**Puu**: Puu! Puupuupuupuupuu! …Puu! …PUU! …-Yusuke, Puu can't do this…- -aw… come on, Keiko! He's talking to all the other Puu's out there!- -(-.-')- …PUU! –beep-

Well? How was it? Now, for the next chapter, I need at least five requests. All you need to do is review normally but write whom your talking to and your message. One I get AT LEAST five, I'll start working on it and put it up ASAP. Please tell me how you think this is turning out so far… I'm not sure if I'm doing this right…


	2. Jin and Touya Make a Scene!

**Chapter 2:**

Ahem…by popular request, I have convinced Jin and Touya to have their own answering machines! Believe me, Jin-kun was all too willing, but it took a bit of convincing for Touya-kun to agree heh heh…

Touya: …

Key:

/other people talking/ (easier to tell that other people are talking that way) (and yes, I may be in some of them. I'm kit-chan! a bit easier than my penname and nicer than my real name -)

**Jin**: -beep- (in really, really, really, really, fast talk)HeyguysitstheoneandonlywindmasterJin! SorryImnothererightnowbutifyouleaveamessageIllgetbackassoonaspossible! Heymaybewecansparsometime! Yeahthatdbeablast/Jin-kun, you need to talk a bit slower; I don't think they can understand you./ (still pretty fast Irish accent) heh heh, sorry, Kit-chan! I haven't been this excited since I fought with Urameshi! Hey where is that bloke, anyhoo? We still have a rematch to tend to/Jin-kun this is an answering machine. You need to wrap it up -.-6/ well jeez, okay then! See ya guys sometime! Call again! –beep-

(oh god… I don't think we did that very good… -.-6 if someone else can get him to do a better one, then plz send it in and I'll post it up with a special note saying that you got him to do a better one)

**Touya: -**beep**- **…Hello, you have reached the phone of the ice master, Touya. I am not here right now because I am probably honing my ice skills. Please- /aw, come on, Touya! Loosen up a bit! It's really fun to do this/He's right, Touya-kun. Don't be so shy/ …ahem. As you can see, I am being badgered into this, but :sigh: if you need to talk to me, please leave a message and I'll return your call as soon as I possibly can. Thank you. –beep-

Sigh…Touya-kun needs to loosen up. He needs to stop being so reclusive. He reminds me of Hiei sometimes. At least he's nice and polite, so UNLIKE Hiei.

Touya: …

Hiei: HN.

Me: are you still mad about my fanfic?

Hiei: …

Me: Ugh… whatever, volcano-head. Anyway, I decided to post this one up early because Jin wanted his turn in the spotlight. I need AT LEAST five requests, the more, the better! I'm only gonna post up a maximum of ten requests per chapter, and I'll try to put up a small skit or something at the end, if I can get everybody coughHieicough to cooperate. The more requests I get, the more I can update! sorry for this chapter being so short!


	3. Hags, Foxes, and Bats, Oh My!

**Chapter 3:**

**Hags, Foxes, and Bats Oh My!**

**Me**: Hey people! It's Kit-chan here! I decided to-

**Hiei**: Get off her butt and update.

**Me**: Shut up! Anyway, special thanks to Dolphingirl32173 and wingsofheart for finally reviewing the way I needed them!

**Kurama**: Believe me, it wasn't easy to work out all of them…

**Me**: Oh yeah, not to mention a certain bat demon we all know and love…Anyway, please continue reading this and tell me what you think!

* * *

**Genkai: **-**BEEP**- you've reached the phone of the Reidoha master, Genkai. Obviously you've reached me at a bad time and I can't answer your call at this moment. Either leave me a message or call again some other time. I'm usually keeping my dimwit student in line, so you can call back at almost anytime. Just don't call to ask or tell me anything stupid. –**BEEP**-

**Youko**: -**BEEP**- Hello, it's the famous Silver Thief, Youko, here! I'm sorry, but I can't get to the phone right now, but if you leave a message, then I will be happy to call you back. Perhaps there is something you need me to steal…? Anyway, if you are in need of Shuichi, then I am sorry, but you've reached the wrong number, but I'll be happy to tell him that you've called! (mumbles) unless if you're one of the fangirls who won't leave us alone…or a demon out for revenge…or a bounty hunter after me…or-**BEEP**-

**Kuronue**: -**BEEP**- Hey, it's the one and only resident bat demon from Reikai, Kuronue! Thank Koenma for letting me have an answering machine and actually answer one of these "phones" from here! It's so boring here! Ask me questions! Tell me something new! I wanna know what happened to Youko after all these years! I'll be waiting for your calls! Ja ne! –**BEEP**-

(For: wingsofheart) (one of my best friends XD)

-**BEEP**- OMG, Kurama! Wow, totally! Actually, sorry, I'm not your fangirl! But my friend told me to tell you that you look like a girl! Are you and Zelos at all related? The girls love both of you…both of you have red hair…and…look slightly like girls…but that would mean that Lyude is related to you too! What is it with red hair guys being loved by girls? You know, this one time- -**BEEP**-

-**BEEP**- Um…Yes, this is Kurama. I have been told many times that I look somewhat like a female, and I have been mistaken for one on many occasions. I am sorry, but it is in my genes and there is nothing to be done about it. But it does give me some relief that you are not a fangirl, as I have way too much already. Lyude? Zelos? Those name sound vaguely familiar…I will have to look into it. As for your last question, I have no idea how a woman's mind works. Perhaps we can talk some other time, as you are not at all like the obsessed girls constantly after me. –**BEEP**-

(cont.)

-**BEEP**- this is the RS Surgical Center. (cheesy elevator music comes on) Got any extra eyes lying around? We're here to help, Hiei. At the RS Surgical Center, we specialize in the removal of extra eyes, because having more than two eyes is just scary! A friend of yours, Kuwabara, recommended you to us. It seems you have an eyeball problem. Using our state-of-the-art laser technology, we can easily (and almost painlessly) remove any extra eyes you have attached to you. Please call us back at 1-800-I-HAVE-AN-EXTRA-EYE-AND-NEED-TO-DO-SOMETHING-ABOUT-IT-SO-PLEASE-HELP-ME-BECAUSE-I-FEEL-AND-LOOK-LIKE-A-FREAK. I'll repeat that, that's- -**BEEP**-

(I AM GONNA KILL YOU SARAH!)

-**BEEP- **…(growling over the phone) Screw Reikai prison. I am going to slit that baka's throat if it's the last thing I- (wrestling sounds) /SARAH! THIS IS DANIELLE! I AM GONNA KICK YOUR EPHRAIM-LOVING BUTT! HIEI GOT HIS JAGAN TO-/ -shut up, onna! Never call me again, Sarah! If you do, I will find and kill you, mark my words. –**BEEP**-

(cont.) (again!)

-**BEEP- **Hahaha! (multiple girlish voices) YOU say it! No YOU say it! Teheheehe! I'll do it…ahem…is your nose running, Kuwabara? Pft…BECAUSE I THINK YOU SEE IT RUNNING AWAY! Hang up, you idiot, Yusuke! SHUT UP, BOTAN! –**BEEP-**

**-BEEP- **Um…okay…Urameshi, that was really lame. Did the girl with the eye surgery thingamajig put you up to it/Kuwabara…speaking of that girl…/ Uh, oh hi, Shrimp! Uh, Why do you have your sword out…? Uh… AAAAAAAHHHHHH! –**BEEP**-

(For Dolphingirl32173)

(Thisis areply to her many requests :D)

-**BEEP**- Hey, Sarah, this is Kuronue! Kit-chan was kind enough to tell me that you had left many messages when I didn't yet have an answering machine! Well, here I am! You can call anytime and we can talk! Like I said before, It is SOOOOO BORING up here! See you later! –**BEEP**-

(To Labyrinth) (my best friend X3)

-**BEEP**- Hey Yusuke! I have a question. How big is your six-pack? And on a scale of 1-10, how's Kurama's butt? Thanks! –**BEEP**-

-**BEEP**- My six pack? It's most definitely a ten! I mean, I do have one sexy chest and abs! Ask any girl! Right, Keiko/Oh, get over yourself, Yusuke. Besides she wasn't asking the rating of your abs./ Oh…well, I have to pass the phone over to Botan for this one… (shivers over the phone) …Hey, this is Botan here! Hm…as for your question…(whispers) I wouldrate it an eight. (whispers quieter) Yusuke's is better/What was that, Botan? I thought I heard my name/ Nothing, Yusuke! –**BEEP-**

* * *

Kit: Hey, how did you like this chapter? Was it good? Now you know what I'm looking for!

Hiei: …

Kit: Oh, don't worry, Hiei. I'll get Sarah next time I see her.

Hiei: Hn.

Yusuke: By the way, What are you gonna be for Halloween, Kit?

Kit: (dresses up) Roy Mustang!

Hiei: Oh, you mean that miniskirt-loving fool on that idiotic show you always watch? He's almost as much as a baka as that fool obsessed with his child.

Kit: (sniff) BRIGADEER GENERAL, MAES HUGHES, MAY HE REST IN PEACE!

Yusuke: …okay…

Kuwabara: You can't be Roy, your hair's too long.

Hiei: I can fix that. (slice)

Kit: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! MY HAIR!

Yusuke: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Kit: HIEI, COME WITH ME!

Hiei: Why?

Kit: (evil grin) Since you were so gracious to help me with my costume, I will help you with yours. (drags him into a closet)

Yusuke: …okay…

Kuwabara: Wonder what he's gonna be…?

Hiei: (from the closet) Onna, not pink!

Kit: YES, PINK! YOU MADE FUN OF HUGHES _AND_ CUT MY HAIR!

Hiei: Anything but pink!

Kit: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Yus+Kuwa: …

(I'll leave it to your imaginations…hehehe…)


	4. Notice!

Okay, This is a notice for all my readers. For one, this was alot more popular than i thought it would be! But, i will not update anymore until i get the right kind of reviews. The requirements are in the forums and on my front page. Tell me them in a review, on my forums, or in a email. My email is hieinokoishi(insert the "at" sign here)mail.youkokurama.(com) Thank you and i'm sorry for this, but i really need and want to continue this story. Thanks!

PS. the reason the "com" is in the () is because is being a prick. But you should be able to figure it out! I hope i get good and funny requests!


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